It’s a theory. Mean people, jerks, and bullies cannot pass what I call the ego test, and that is simply realizing you’re not as tough as you thought you were and being okay with that–being okay with not being the toughest. They can’t comprehend that you don’t have to prove your worth by making someone else feel worthless. They don’t understand that their ego can be a hindrance and a road block to their own growth. Mean people for the most part quit jiu-jitsu.

I like friendly people—to me friendly is fearless.

It is technique that enables the meek to become the master, for the fearful to become the fearless, for the average man to dominate the juggernaut. When we master the technique then we have become technical.

It’s pretty surreal; the world closes in on you and then you’re out, and upon coming back the question is always the same, “What happened?” Being choked unconscious is like wiping your memory for a split second, you really don’t know what happened until someone tells you.

The other side of the choke is the scariest, however. The choker upon realizing that his training partner and friend is unconscious by his hand sometimes freaks out thinking that he’s just killed his buddy. Relax. He’s not dead; jiu-jitsu has done its job, and done it more efficiently than either of you thought possible.

Your opponent starts to pass your guard, don’t hold on for dear life hoping to stop his movement. This is the time for you to move as well, to create space and either improve your position or put him back into your guard.

Tenet number three says create space in the transition; create space during movement.

So tenet number two says we can attack our opponent’s base by creating space. Create space to attack the base.

I think I’ll break this up into three different posts, so today I’ll talk about 1) creating space but then immediately filling the void. So imagine being on the bottom in cross body position (side mount). You shrimp away from your opponent to create space, but that’s not enough. Creating space is not enough. Creating space creates a void, and that void is either going to be filled by your opponent or filled by you. To create space and then leave the new space unfilled is a mistake.

After you’ve created space you must fill that space with something. To get back to our example, we might want to slide our knee into the space we’ve just created. We want distance between us and our opponent and a knee or shin works as a good barrier. It will allow us to create even more space between us, and that space allows us enough room to put our guard in, or get to our knees, or at least get half-guard.

So tenet number one simply states that if you create space, you need to fill that new space before your opponent does; this will help you to create more space to improve your position.

When I look at the guys I like in MMA, BJ Penn, Clay Guida, Fedor Emelianenko, they seem to be fearless; sometimes they lose, but they’re not afraid. I aspire to be fearless, but I know it’s not realistic; it’s not human and it’s definitely not smart, but it might be nice to have no fear at least for some things.

I think that’s why a lot of us started to train in jiu-jitsu and or MMA; we want to be able to protect ourselves, our families, and friends. We wanted to test our courage. We might not be able to take our fears away, but we sure can minimize them with our training.

For me being fearless is an impossibility, but being courageous is definitely attainable—to step up even when you’re afraid—that’s courage, and although that’s not the same as being fearless, I think I’ll strive for that–a man who will step up despite his fears is a courageous man, someone we should all strive to be.

My suggestion…reggae.

It’s unfair. The next time the big man wants to roll—you roll—yes, it sucks being on bottom, yes, if he’s getting good you’ll probably get your butt kicked, but you’ll both get something out of it and your ego will grow back. Stop duckin’ and dodgin’ and train.