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Ducks and seagulls are greedy. I took my kids to the park today; we tried to feed fish pellets to these giant trout that lived in the park’s pond. I say tried because these stupid seagulls and ducks kept eating all the pellets before the fish had a chance–stupid birds. The fish probably got one pellet for every ten thrown in.

Some days I feel like that fish—everyone’s eating except me. My landlord, the government, the city, my insurance guy, Questar, Rocky Mountain Power, my mortgage company, they’re all like those stupid birds, swooping in and eating all my fish pellets, leaving me, if I’m lucky, the scraps.

I’m starting Tap or Die so at least the scraps are a little bigger and If I’m going to be poor, at least I’ll be happy. I think our next shirt will be a fish choking out a seagull, and the seagull coughing up all the fish pellets it stole. That would make me happy—stupid birds.

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